oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
