I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I think your dad took our porno
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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