My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
