a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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