You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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