Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
