he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
