wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
