There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
