We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
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