I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
