maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
