Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize