I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
