Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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