dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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