you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
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