Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
