If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Randomize
