just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize