Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
