just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
