Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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