from now on my penis is your penis
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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