I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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