I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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