Will you blow on my dice?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
That reminds me...we need to get swords
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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