Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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