what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
