First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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