She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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