Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
