Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
