Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
