Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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