I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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