I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
