ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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