i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
