Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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