i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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