so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
