nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
