I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
