Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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