Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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