I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
