like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
