Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
