Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
