I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
