yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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