she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
where are my pants?
in the oven.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
