Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
