I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
