Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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