You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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