apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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