Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize