It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
