Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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