Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
