She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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