Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
