I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
